Subscriber Account active since. You will probably have heard this classic piece of dating advice thousands of times: Play hard to get. It’s a common belief that acting aloof and unavailable will drive someone crazy, and right into your arms. If you’re looking to attract men, this course of action is considered particularly effective. But if scientific research is anything to go by, it’s nonsense. In the s, a series of studies led by American psychologist Elaine Hatfield looked into whether playing hard to get really works. Social psychologist Viren Swami highlights the findings in a blog post for Refinery In one study, male participants were told to phone up a woman who had been selected with a dating service and ask her out. Half the time, the woman would be busy and dismissive until finally accepting, and the other half of the time she would enthusiastically accept the invitation. The men didn’t seem to prefer the women who had less free time.
Playing hard to get; a scientific appraisal
New American research has found that playing hard to get might be one of the riskier tactics used in dating, but it could actually help you snag a partner. Carried out by a team from the University of Rochester, along with the Israeli-based Interdisciplinary Center Herzliya, the new study recruited women and men. These participants were split into three different studies that looked at their interactions with the opposite sex.
Are you into her, but just not getting the feedback you’d expect? Dating Expert Brooke Lewis schools us on how to handle “hard to get.”.
Sign Up! Men apparently, love the chase. We browse through a plethora of guides on dating and almost each one tells us to present ourselves as a challenge. Because playing hard to get is definitely regressive and messing it all up, for women. This whole shady concept comes from the scientific fact that the pursuit of sex stimulates the reward centre in our brains. Apparently, buying your affection with gifts and flirting elevates the dopamine levels in men who, as a matter of fact, thrive on this feeling!
Playing Hard To Get Doesn’t Work But This Will
Dating Games: Playin Now, any good general will tell you every battle requires a sound strategy. Similarly, many people employ their own strategies and approaches when it comes to attracting and chatting up that special someone.
Birnbaum and Reis found that: Participants who interacted with the more selective online dating profile (thus making the insider harder to attract).
New research just published in the peer-reviewed journal Personality and Individual Differences looks at the psychological underpinnings of making yourself seem more desirable by withholding obvious signs of romantic interest. Attachment style, usually formed in childhood, falls into the primary categories of secure or insecure people with an insecure attachment style are usually classified as anxious or avoidant. Overall, the researchers found that women and people with insecure attachment styles tended to play hard-to-get more.
Avoidant people tend to be playing hard-to-get, and anxious people are pursuing them. Across four studies involving over participants, the authors examined links between attachment style and hard-to-get strategies. Among their findings:. According to the authors, their study sheds light on how people with avoidant and anxious attachment styles manage their psychological vulnerabilities.
Put another way, our behavior in trying to find mates and partners is rooted in early life experiences. For people with insecure attachment styles, Gillath said playing hard-to-get, or chasing an aloof potential mate, are efficient approaches for securing intimacy, romantic relationships and sex. For other people, playing hard-to-get is less a romantic strategy and more of a survival instinct.
The side that is less invested has more power.
Does playing ‘hard to get’ work?
Here are 4 reasons why we are so over playing hard to get:. Ask personal questions, use their name frequently or share something about yourself with them. Catch up and create the base for a deep connection by ditching the tired and old practice of playing hard to get. Your consent is not required to make a purchase. It’s Just Lunch is the world’s 1 personalized matchmaking service.
Playing hard to get can be both an effective yet incredibly frustrating as a dating tactic. EliteSingles turned to science to try and better understand it.
Playing hard to get is a flirtatious, natural, fun, sometimes difficult and intimidating course of attack. It is exhilarating when your suitor works for your attention; after all, nothing absolutely spectacular was ever easily accessible. And both the chase and catch feel good! Working the confidence trump card shows you have your priorities in line and know what you want.
Pulling it out of the deck and revealing it at the right time is just plain old attractive. Researchers studied the question: “When does playing hard to get increase romantic attraction? The study involved two experiments to find out how playing hard to get influences certain situations. Below is the proof from the study that playing hard to get actually works, and if you learn how to play the game right you will be quite successful.
Hard to get will only pan out when interest has already been detected, even if it is a slight interest. Players who appeared “interested” during the date and committed in conversation were perceived as appealing, but also considered easy conquests.
16 guys on what they really think when women “play hard to get”
Maybe you’re the type who tends to take off first thing in the morning after a one-night stand, or who lies about your busy schedule in the week ahead, but doesn’t indulge your prospective partner with the details. When dating, single people often deploy tactics like these to avoid coming off as clingy or desperate. Playing hard to get, the theory goes, makes you seem far more attractive. It might make you feel sly, but does that carefree attitude actually work to anyone’s benefit?
For decades, psychologists have been studying if and why playing hard to get can make people attracted to you, and several studies may help explain the psychology behind why we sometimes desire people who make us work harder for their attention.
‘The Rules’, a much-hyped dating book published in the late 90s, encouraged women to play as hard as they possibly could. It’s since been.
Last Updated: March 22, References. This article was co-authored by our trained team of editors and researchers who validated it for accuracy and comprehensiveness. There are 12 references cited in this article, which can be found at the bottom of the page. This article has been viewed 1,, times. Learn more The best way to play hard to get is to actually be hard to get. Give your crush space by spending some time apart from your phone and let your crush be the first one to make major moves.
Keep yourself busy with hobbies, self-care, and dating other people if you feel comfortable. Boost your confidence by spending time with friends and family who love you.
Science says playing hard to get actually works
These two pieces of research have the power to transform your dating life, in the best possible ways. Does playing hard to get actually work? And what is the single quality people are most looking for in their search for love? Stay tuned to the deeper dating podcast to find out. Hello and welcome to The Deeper Dating Podcast.
The problem with playing hard to get is that it backfires sometimes. You want the person you’re dating to always be making an effort. This isn’t.
It creates exclusivity. Most of us have the desire to be the best at everything. It keeps you on your toes. Guys might be slightly less intense in this, but they do thrive on that push and pull. It can lead to long term relationships. A study has linked playing hard to get with long term relationship success, which is the opposite of how things usually go when people are just looking for casual hookups.
Because you were already interested. Economics will teach you that people will always invest more in items that are more rare than in the ones that are overabundant. Sad but true! It makes your life seem interesting. More flirting means more dopamine.
Does Playing ‘Hard to Get’ Work?
By Tracey Cox for MailOnline. Which is the best strategy for finding a partner? Playing hard to get or letting people know you’re interested? On the other end of the spectrum, there’s the primitive appeal of ‘the chase’.
I’m sure every woman involved in the dating scene has, at one time or another, heard the concept of “playing hard to get.” In order to make a.
Years ago, at the very beginning of my quest for sensible input on dating, I read a book on how to get a guy. Bottom line: play hard to get, as hard to get as you can. The reasoning behind it: men love a good challenge and the more you distance yourself from them the harder they will work to catch you. Needless to say, I was still single long after reading that book.
I was it. I was quite impossible to get, as men I dated or encountered back then will testify. Well in my head I was but in my behaviour?
Does playing ‘hard to get’ work in relationships?
Some scientists believe the principle of reciprocity is the single most important determinant of whether one person will like another. Skip navigation! Story from Health. In fact, the idea of playing hard to get probably ranks as one of the most popular dating tips of all time, but does it actually work?
Most people have heard that “playing hard to get” is an essential part of dating. Our friends, movies (Swingers, He’s Just Not That into You), television shows.
Our mothers used to tell us to play hard to get to attract the attention of our first crush, but science has revealed there may actually be some truth in that basic strategy. While playing hard to get is a strategy adopted by many to attract a partner, previous research has failed to confirm whether playing it cool actually works and if so why. Read more: What is ‘zumping’ the new dating trend coronavirus lockdown has spawned?
So the new research set out to prove whether viewing a prospective romantic partner as playing it hard to get kicked off sexual desire for that partner. Were trying to make the best deal we can. But playing it cool is seen by some to be a bit of a risky play, with many worrying it could put off prospective partners who fear being rejected.